Doctor Rumpelstiltskin
by deathraptor22
Summary: Due to grave misunderstanding the Doctor actidently inspries the fairy tale "Rumpelstilskin."


**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Doctor Who. **_

It started out as a normal day for the Doctor. Well, as normal as any day is for the Doctor. Come to think of it, the thing was normal for the Doctor, if a bit aggravating. He had set the TARDIS for medieval England and stepped out to find a very startled-looking girl her face surrounded by straw. In fact, the whole room was filled with straw. The only things in the room other than the straw was a chair, a spinning wheel, and the girl.

"Hello," The Doctor said trying to sound casual, "I know this looks strange, but there is a simple explanation for all of this,-wait, why are you crying?"

The Doctor closed the TARDIS doors, and stepped closer to the girl. She was rather pretty, with long flowing golden blonde hair with blue eyes. But her face was red and puffy from crying. "I'm not sure how to explain it," She sobbed weakly.

"Well, why don't you sit down and start from the beginning," The Doctor suggested as he gently took her by the arm and lead her over to the chair, " Actually, you might to start with your name, then the beginning, then the rest of it."

"Christina," The young woman said, "My name is Christina. It all started when our mill burned down. My father, he's the town miller, you see, and there was a fire and our mill burned down and we have no money, nowhere to go, so my father came up with this plan. He would tell the first person we saw that appeared wealthy,-well; he planned to tell them that I could spin straw into gold."

"Can you actually spin straw into gold?" The Doctor interrupted, "'Cause that could probly fix your no money problem. You could sell the gold and use the money to rebuild your mill, but if you can't you might get in trouble telling people you can."'

"I know!"Christina screamed, her voice on the edge of tears, "He planned to tell them that I needed to be alone for the magic to work, and would come get me. We would charge them three coins for this."

"Well that's a little dishonest isn't it?" The Doctor asked.

"I know, and I told him so," Christina responded, "But he said we would pay them back after we had rebuilt the mill. So we started walking and who should come up the road but the king! My father started to approach the royal carriage and I told him it was a bad idea, we should wait for the next person but he did it anyway and told the king I could spin straw into gold! So the king told us to fallow the carriage to the palace, so we did, and he gives my father three coins and locks me up here, and my father has no way to get to me!"

The Doctor stared to fear he knew where this was going, especially since it was starting to sound like a certain Earth fairy tale. "The king, did he…did he say if there would be any sort of-ramifications if you failed to spin the straw into gold?"

"No," Christina emitted, "But I heard one of the maids say that if I didn't spin the straw into gold the king would have my head chopped off!" Christina broke into body-shaking sobs again.

The Doctor knew he had to calm her down. He gently put his hand on her shoulder. "There, there, calm down. Look, crying isn't a very productive plan. And I just got an idea. I think I know of a chemical combination that can actually do what everyone wants, which is turn straw into gold. Well, actually it turns it in to a substance similar to pyrite, but I think we'll be okay since the guy we're dealing with isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. I mean, he actually bought that you could spin straw into gold. I mean, you'd think he would've at least as 'If your daughter can spin straw into gold then why are you a poor miller who needs money to rebuilding his mill?' I mean, come on! How thick can a person get?" Then without further adieu, the Doctor ran into the TARDIS, then a few moments later, ran back out, carrying a hot plate and a portable Bunsen burner. Then he ran back into the TARDIS than ran back a few minutes later, this time holder a strainer and a jar of bright yellow powder in one hand, a beaker of golden liquid in the other, and a test tube of deep teal liquid in his mouth. He once again rushed into the TARDIS then came back out balancing a beaker of a punchy fuchsia liquid and a test tube filled with a dark brown liquid and one hand a block of some kind of creamy fuchsia substance and a beaker of bright tangerine liquid in the other, and a test tube of emerald green liquid in his mouth. Then he set those down, pulled out a portable power charger, and set to work. He poured the golden liquid into the beaker with the punchy fuchsia liquid and shook them up until it turned into an icy green color, and then he poured the combination into a pot. Then he set the bowl on the Bunsen burner. When concoction stared to boil he opened the jar with the bright yellow powder sprinkled said powder into the mixture. Then after it had cooled, the Doctor poured half the deep teal liquid in, then the bright tangerine and emerald green liquid. Then he put the pot on the hot plate and walked over to the straw and grabbed a big buddle of it, then walked over to the hot plate. When the concoction had come to a boil the Doctor threw the straw into the pot. He put on a pair of latex gloves and sloshed the straw around in the mixture, then removed it, revealing what appeared to be gold. Then he polished with the bright tangerine block and repeated the process again, except without all the mixing. He repeated the process over and over, and soon Christina became tired and fell asleep. Seeing that she had, the Doctor walked over to her, covered her with his tweed jacket, and set back to work. _"She really is a sweet girl, Christina." _ The Doctor thought to himself, _"I should probably stick around for a little bit to make sure that vicious idiot of a king doesn't hurt her anyway." _ But he knew he couldn't do that right there, because if this guy had any sense, he would see the Doctor and the TARDIS and come to the conclusion that he had something to be with the sudden appearance of "gold" in the room. So after he finished, he got into the TARDIS and left.

The Doctor managed to park the TARDIS in the next day right in front of the castle, right in front of the tower room where Christina was being kept. He looked up at the immense gray structure. It had to be a good ten feet. _"I'm gonna need a little help to get up there." _The Doctor thought to himself, then walked back into the TARDIS, grabbed a grappling hook and some suction cups, then walked back out of the TARDIS, and headed towards the castle.

Meanwhile, back in said tower, Christina anxiously waited for the king, or a guard, or a servant, or anyone to come and unlock the door to see if she had spun the straw into gold. She started pacing and pacing back in forth. _"He's forgotten he put me up here," _She thought to herself, _"He's going to leave me here to die. I know it. I just know it." _ Just then the door opened in the king, a young man with auburn hair and gray eyes, stepped in. When he looked up to see the gold, a look absolute astonishment came across his face. "Oh my," The King said, sounding astounded, "I can't believe it. You actually did it. You actually spun straw into gold."

"Well, of course I did," Christina said, trying her best to hide her fear as well as sound as if what the king just stated was obvious, "Isn't that what you paid me to do?"

"Yes," The King replied, trying to regain his bearings. The truth was the king, King Alcide his proper name was, was somewhat softhearted and while he didn't believe the part of Christina's father story where she could spin straw into gold, he was deeply saddened by the fact they were so desperate they were going around saying that she could spin straw into goal, he paid her father to let her come spin straw into gold for him. That way, at least by King Alcide's reasoning, her father would have money to survive, and with the girl in King Alcide's palace, he could see to it that she had a decent meal or two before he sent her home. Also by King Alcide's reasoning the whole thing hinged on making them believe that he believed their story. [King Alcide had a tendency to over think things.] This why Christina believed she was sapost to spin straw into gold. The King Alcide never threatened to have her head chopped off, nor did he plan to. That reason Christina believed that is because she overheard the maid Greta tell the boy who shines the shoes and sharpens the knife that if Christina failed to spin straw into gold the king would have her head chopped off. It is important to note right now that Greta was known for having a flair for the dramatics.

But Christina didn't know all this nor did King Alcide tell her. Now that he had got his bearings back he said, "You've done very well. In fact, you've done so well I think I'll hire you again for tonight."

"Oh, thank you, your majesty," Christina said carefully, "But my father must be terribly worried about me by now."

"Then I shall send a messenger to explain the situation to him." King Alcide said, "In the meantime, you sit down and take a break while I get all this gold out of here and get some fresh straw," Then King Alcide looked back at the room and added, "And have you moved to a room with bed. I can't believe they didn't give you one to begin with, please tell me you didn't sleep on the floor. Who am I trying to fool? Of crorse you slept on the floor, there's nowhere else to sleep! I'm so sorry, this is so embarrassing, I should've saw to this myself, I'm so sorry-"

"Your majesty, it's completely alright," Christina said, "I was perfectly fine here." In truth, Christina didn't want to be moved, in hope that the man who spun the straw into gold might show up and do it again.

"Well," King Alcide began, "At any rate, I'll make sure you get put in a better room as soon as I get all this gold out of the way." He grabbed two handfuls of the gold wire.

"Oh," Christina said, surprised, "Aren't you going to get a servant or someone to do that? I mean, surely your highness must be terribly busy with important affairs of state…"

"Fortunately there's not many affairs of state to deal with today," King Alcide answered, "So I can deal with this matter." Then, with all the gold wire he could carry, King Alcide left the room, leaving the door open.

Christina stood there, her mouth agape. _"Was the door unlocked the whole time?!" _Christina thought to herself, _"This whole time I could have just walked out the door!" _ But Christina's heart sank as she realized it wasn't going to simple: she would have to get past all the guards, find her way to an exit, and get over the moat. She wanted to throw herself on the floor and kick and scream, and wail. Instead, she gripped fistfuls of her dress in her hands in frustration. _ "Oh, what am I going to do now?" _ She thought to herself, _"I can't really spin straw into gold. Oh, if only that little man would come back!" _ But she didn't think there was much chance of that happening. _"And who would blame him?" _ Christina thought to herself, _"He saved my life and I didn't even thank him." _ Then, by chance, she noticed the ring she was wearing. It was her mother's ring, but her mother had given it to her along with her necklace just before she died. Christina sighed solemnly, as she took the ring off her finger. She walked over to the window, sat the ring on the opening, and said, "Little man, I don't know if you can hear me, or even if you're still here, but if you are, please, take this as a token of my gratitude."

It just so happened that at time the Doctor was more than halfway to the room and had heard Christina's message. A few seconds later he was at the window. He picked the ring and was about to make his presence known to Christina, when King Alcide walked in. The Doctor, startled, ducked down where the king couldn't see him. Taking one hand off the ledge, he took the ring, and put it in his pants pocket, then quickly put his hand back on the ledge. _"I can give it back to her latter," _He reasoned to himself. He held his breath and waited for the king to leave, but then to the Doctor's utter frustration, the king didn't leave. He just stood around chatting up Christina. The Doctor could only hear bits and pieces of the conversation from his spot hanging off of the castle, but he could make out the king asking, "So, if you can spin straw into, go, why didn't you just sell the gold wire?"

"Now _he wonders about that?" _ The Doctor thought to himself.

"We, um…couldn't get out hands on any straw for me to spin, sire," Christina lied, "Charging for the service of spinning straw into gold was the best way we could think of to get money to rebuild our mill after it burnt down."

"Well, you should have more than enough soon," The king reassured her, "Apart from your special talents; you're a very charming girl. I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to help you. "

The Doctor couldn't believe what he was hearing. _"_This _is the guy that threatened to chop an innocent young girl's head off?" _ The guy the Doctor was hearing seemed like a very reasonable man.

Just then the king left the room. The Doctor took the opportunity to jump over the ledge into the room, causing a startled Christina to jump back several feet.

"Sorry," The Doctor said apologetically, "Didn't mean to startle you. What are you still doing here? I thought the king was gonna let you go."

"He was so impressed that he hired me _again_ for tonight." Christina answered, "Oh, little man, I know it's probably too much to ask of you, but could you spin the straw into gold one more time?" She unhooked the clasp of her necklace and took it off. "Here, take my necklace this time, as payment."

"Oh, you don't have to pay me," The Doctor insisted, gently shoving the necklace away, "I do this sort of thing all the time."

"Oh, but I must give you something. I didn't even thank you last time. Take it, please." Christina implored him.

Seeing there was no way to convince her, the Doctor took the necklace and put it in his pocket with the ring. _"I'll leave him for her latter." _

Just then they heard someone walking down the hall. "The king!" Christina cried in an alarmed whisper, "You have to hide!"

The Doctor started to jump over the ledge and when he was halfway over he turned to Christina and said, "Don't worry, I'll be right here."

The Doctor spent practically the whole day hanging on to the window ledge, while the king went back and forth carrying the gold wire to who-knew-where all the while making conversation with Christina. They appeared to becoming more familiar with each other. He even told her that when they were alone he could call her Alcide! The Doctor didn't think that Christina had lied to him; he was just starting to wonder if she was had been mistaken. Alcide didn't really seem like the head-chopping kind of guy. It was late afternoon when, to the Doctor's horror, Christina was moved to another room. When everyone had left the Doctor leaped over the ledge and ran to see where they had taken her. He looked out of the room to see the hallway was empty."Christina," The Doctor called out in a loud whisper. He did this for the next three floors until Christina finally whispered back, "In here."

The Doctor turned around to see Christina in the doorway behind him. He walked over to saying, "Oh, thank goodness, I thought I'd never find you. So, I take it all the straws in there."

"Yes," Christina said, gesturing for him to come in. The Doctor walked into two with a room filled with more straw, a little more straw then the night before, but not my that much, surrounding a rather nice looking bed. Just then the Doctor realized he had forgotten something rather important. "Okay, I need to go get the gold making equipment, and then I'll be right back." He reassured Christina then rushed out of the room, leap through the first window he saw, ran to the TARDIS, and re-parked it in Christina's room. After going back in forth several times hauling stuff out of the TARDIS and into the room, the Doctor repeated the process he had done the night before, and just like the night before, Christina fell asleep some time after midnight. This time when he was done the Doctor just parked the TARDIS behind the castle and waited for dawn. When the some came up, the Doctor took his grappling hook and climbed up the side of the castle, and made it up to Christina's room just as King Alcide walked in. The Doctor raised his head up only to duck back down again.

"I don't believe it!" King Alcide cried out, "I know I should be able to by now, but I still can't believe it. Have I told you you're an extremely remarkable young woman?"

"Only thirteen since I've been here, sire," Christina answered.

"I told you, call me Alcide when we're alone." He reminded her, moving closer to her.

"Sorry," Christina said, backing away somewhat.

"You don't have to be sorry," King Alcide said, not taking the hint and moving closer to her.

"Well…Alcide," Christina began, nervously, "I should probly be leaving now…"

"Not yet. I want to hire you for one more night. One _last _night. Because after that I will have enough gold, more gold than any human being should have, and as for you," King Alcide had her in a kind of half-embrace, his hands in hers, "After tonight I don't think you should spin anymore gold. That you shouldn't _have _to spin anymore gold. You deserve so much better than that. You're a beautiful woman, you deserve a beautiful life. I guess what I'm trying to ask you is…will you marry me?"

Now, it is usually a terrible idea to marry a guy you've only know three days, but keep in minds, this was back in medieval times when relationships _had _to move fast because life expectancies were rather short, plus everyone was afraid to say no to the ruling monarchs, and Christina was taken aback so before she didn't know what she was saying, she breathed, "Yes."

Overjoyed, King Alcide swooped her up in his arms and kissed her."You have just made me the happiest man in the world; I promise you I will do my best to make you the happiest woman in the world, Christina the miller daughter! "He put her down, and acting an overly excited teenager, he went on, "I have to go tell your father. Oh my gosh, I didn't think to ask your father for your hand. Oh, I am such an idiot! Now he's going hat me, no way he's going to let me marry you now, no way-"

"Alcide, it's quite all right," Christina reassured him, "I'm sure he'll understand. He's a very reasonable man."

"Oh, that's good," King Alcide sighed, sounding utterly relieved, "I'll see you later, my love." Then he kissed her again, and rushed out of the room, a man head-over-heel in love.

Christina stood there a minute, in complete shock. _"What just happened?" _ She thought to herself.

The Doctor was equally surprised, if not more. "What is it with this guy?!" The Doctor declared, "First he saids, spin gold or I'll kill you, the next day, he saids, spin gold or I'll kill, then he saids spin gold and I'll marry you! The man sure has a way with words."

"He never said anything about killing me on the second night." Christina pointed out. Even though she still though he meant to kill her if she didn't spin straw into gold that first night, she didn't want him accused of intending to kill her the second night if he didn't intend to.

"He probably figured the threat still stood."The Doctor replied.

"You're probably right!" Christina cried out, suddenly overcome with near-hysterics, "Oh, little man, please, spin gold for me one more time! I will give you anything you want! I will give you my first-born child!"

Now this doesn't sound like very good parenting, but you have to understand, Christina had nothing left to offer, and she didn't really think the King would marry her, plus, she really meant it as an example.

"Alright, deal," The Doctor said. He didn't think that he'd ever see the girl again after they got this sorted, and they the time she actually had a baby, she would have forgotten all about him and the deal, and he didn't have time to talk Christina down at the moment. With that he leap out of the window, and this time in case King Alcide came back and he needed to his quickly carried the equipment required for making the gold, carried said equipment up the wall and into the room. This wound up taking most of the day. The sun had set by the time the Doctor was gathering his things, then he began the process he now had memorized by both his hearts.

When the dawn broke, and the Doctor had finished he crept out the window. Grasping the window ledge, he waited to see what happened next. _"I am getting _way _too good at this." _ He thought to himself.

Christina awoke to find herself alone in the room. She turned around to see a pile of gold wire sitting beside the bed. Instead of feeling relived like she had the first two times, her heart fell into her stomach. _"He did it."_ She thought to herself, _"Now if I have a baby I have to give it to him." _He put her head in her hands. _Oh, why, why did I do that? Why did I say that? And why did he agree to it? What's he going to do to my baby?!"_

Just then her worrying was interrupted by the King Alcide coming in. "What's wrong, my love?" He said, rushing over to her side sounding rather concerned. "What is it, Christina?" Her father's voice said. That called Christina to look up to see her father heading towards her. She turned to King Alcide, who had his arms around her. "You-you brought my father here?"

"Yes, he wanted to come see you after I talked to him," King Alcide explained, "Now, what's wrong Christina, darling?"

"Nothing," She lied, "Nothing at all."

After Christina, King Alcide, and the man who apparently was Christina's father walked out of the room to announce King Alcide and soon-to-be Queen Christina's engagement, the Doctor let go of the ledge, climbed down, and went off in the TARDIS. _"Don't worry, Doctor," _He thought to himself, _"They'll be alright, they seem to have themselves sorted now. Why don't you go visit River and tell her about what just happened?" _ And so he set off to the Storm Cage Prison Facility.

After the Doctor had finished telling his story-and at some points, during-River burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, for she noticed the simulates between what the Doctor had just gone through and a certain Earth fairy tale.

"It's not funny!" The Doctor protested as River continued her laugh-fest.

"Ah, it kind of is," River said, finally stopping laughing, and wiping a tear from her eye, "I mean seriously, Sweetie, doesn't it seem rather odd to you that first, this man tells the local king that his daughter can turn straw into gold even though he and his daughter both know they can't so he tells them to come to come to his palace where he locks her up in a room filled with straw and tells her that if he fails to spin said straw into gold he'll chop her head off-"

"The maid said he was gonna cut Christina's head off." The Doctor pointed out, "King Alcide himself never said any such thing to Christina, and after watching the guy with her I'm not sure he said any such thing period."

"Well, let's not slip hairs at the moment," River said, "Anyway, then you show up out of nowhere, and by coincidence knows how to do what everyone wants. She offers you her ring in exchange for your services which she is in dire need of, then the King has her spin gold for another night, then you show up again, and this time she gives you a gold necklace, and by the way, her dad must have some money to be able to keep her and all this jewelry-"

"They both belonged to her mother before she pasted on." The Doctor interjected, and I left both the ring and necklace, on the bed before I left."

"Anyway," River said, sounding somewhat annoyed at being interrupted for a second time, "Then on the third day, the king proposes to her, and because he's such a sweet talker-spin or die, spin or die-she says yes and then you show up again, and this time she offers you her first born child-showing that she has just as bad parenting judgment as her father who started this whole mess-and for some reason you agree to these terms. Why did you agree to those terms by the way? I mean it's not like we're in any position to start a family at the moment." She gestured around her prison cell.

"I never meant to make her pay up," The Doctor defended himself, "I just didn't want to deal with talking her down, and odds are I'll never go there again, so time will go on, and she'll forget and have tones of babies, and just like the fairy tale that it is _somewhat_ similar to they will all live happily ever after. And we're _already _a family. Childless couples are a type of family."

"Childless couples where the wife lives in a prison because everyone thinks she killed the husband who is not actually dead but gallivanting across the universe while trying to keep a low profile so the religious order that wants him dead doesn't get what they want?" River challenged.

"We're a family," The Doctor said, standing up, "And we can do something about the wife being in prison." The Doctor took River by the hand and pulled her up and into the TARDIS.

After the usual great deal of shaking and rumbling the Doctor parked the TARDIS. "I wish you'd let me drive sometimes," River complained, "You always leave the breaks on."

"Because I still think it's a brilliant nose," The Doctor quipped, "That noise is part of the fun."

River opened her mouth to speak, but before she could a scream came from the outside. The scream sounded devastated and horrified, and to the Doctor, rather familiar.

"What was that?" River asked

"I think I know," The Doctor said, "And I really hope I'm wrong. Stay here." He walked down the ramp and when he was half way down, turned around, pointed at River and said, "And by the way, if I am right, don't say a word."

"Okay," River replied, unsure of what the big deal was, aside from the obvious.

The Doctor cautiously peaked out of the doors, and sure enough, there was Christina, clutching a baby girl for dear life, a look a terror on her face.

"Uh, hello," The Doctor said, stepping out of the TARDIS,"I know what this looks like, but-"

"Please, don't take her!"Christina cried, tears already rolling down her face, "I know I promised her to you, but I was so hysterical at the time that I didn't know what I was doing! Please, if you take anyone, take me instead!"

"Look, I don't want you," The Doctor said, "And I don't want-"

But before he could finish the sentence (which would have been, "And I don't want your baby either.") King Alcide ran into the room. Emeditly, he rushed over to his wife. "It's the little man you told me about," He said, sounding absolutely terrified.

"Look," The Doctor said, trying to clam everyone down," I know what you've probably heard, but I assured you-wait, what do you mean, "little man"?" The Doctor knew this regeneration was a few inches shorter than the one before but he was by no means sort or 'little'.

"Christina told me about the deal she made with you a year ago." King Alcide said, as if that explained something.

"And I know what you must think, but-wait, did you say a year ago?" The Doctor asked.

You see, a year after King Alcide and Christina, or rather Queen Christina now, got married, she became pregnant. Her reaction when it was almost certain that she was pregnant wasn't you would expect from someone who was about to have a baby. She was less than thrilled. In fact, she started sobbing and they were clearly not happy tears. When King Alcide asked what was wrong, Queen Christina finally came clean about how she thought King Alcide was going to chop her head off, and how the Doctor had shown up and spun the gold, and how she had promised her first born child to him. At first King Alcide was horrified, then mad, not at Queen Christina but at himself, for as he explain, it was to certain extent, his over thinking that got them into this mess (He also explained how he never told anyone he was going to chop her head off under any circumstances), and at last, he and Queen Christina got on the same emotion page, i.e. both terrified for their unborn child. Nine months later their daughter was born and there was nothing to do but wait.

"Please," King Alcide said, "We'll give you anything else, you want, just please don't hurt little Eleanora."

At that moment the Doctor decided that if this situation had to been so similar to the fairy tale _Rumplestilskin_ it wasn't even funny, he might as well embrace it. He sighed. "Tell you what," He said, not believing he was actually doing this, "I'll meet you halfway. I'll come back in three days. If at that time you can correctly guess my name I'll let you out of the deal and you can keep baby-Eleanora." Then he ran back into the TARDIS.

As he ran up the ramp River turned to him and asked in disbelief, "And what did you do that for?"

"I've decided that if this thing _insists _on playing out like a fairy tale I might as well embrace it." The Doctor explained, working at the console.

"And how do you expect them to find out what your name is?" River challenged, "Plus, isn't your name sapost to end the universe?"

"Only I'm not gonna let them find out my real name," The Doctor contorted, "I am simply going to go out to the countryside, make a fire, and-"The Doctor couldn't even get the words out of his mouth.

"And?" River asked.

The Doctor looked up. "And I'm gonna dance around singing Rumblestilskin until somebody notices. There, happy?"

River just smirked.

The Doctor said nothing more, but instead, started the TARDIS. When the pair walked out they were in a clearing surrounded by pine trees. The whole place smelled like a giant air freshener. "I'll go get some wood for a fire." River said walking up.

"Thanks River," The Doctor said, "But stay close by." Then the Doctor went off to go help her.

Once they had gathered enough wood to start about ten dozen fires, the couple made a fire and the Doctor starting to dace, singing "Rumplestiskin is by name," over and over again. Soon four hours had gone by and he had been doing it none stop and was tired and thirsty, and his mouth was getting rather dry. But when he tried to stop River snapped her fingers at him and said, "Hey, Mister, you don't stop. Not until someone sees you, at least. We're a childless couple and for the moment we need to stay that way. At least until I get out of prison, and/or you decide to stop traveling. And should we ever decide to have a baby I want one that's actually ours or at least doesn't have parents who want to keep it."

"Alright, alright," The Doctor said as he started dancing again, "Although, we could probably pick out a better name than they did. Eleanora. What the heck kind of a name is that?"

"What they name their child is none of our business." River snapped, "Now less talking and more singing."

And so the Doctor danced and sung, "Rumplestiskin is my name," over and over again for another four hours, only stopping when River allowed him water brakes, so he didn't get so thirsty he couldn't sing. Soon he had been dancing and singing a whole day. Then two hold days. Then, finally, on the third day, when the Doctor felt he couldn't go on anymore, River whispered, "Doctor, look."

The Doctor looked to see a woman in her mid-twenties with honey blonde hair in a braid around her head, and deep grey eyes. Unbeknownst to the Doctor, this was Greta, the maid whose dramatics had caused all the trouble in the first place. And unbeknownst to both of them, she was the one who was going to set things right.

Seeing she had been spotted, Greta ran off, holding off her skirt as she fled. "It worked!" The Doctor shouted happily once Greta was gone, "It actually worked!"

"I don't believe it!" River gapped, "So now what do we do?"

"Now," The Doctor said, walking over to where he had parked the TARDIS in the trees, "We move on to step two."

"Step two?" River asked intrigued, "What's step two?"

"Ring the floor to brake."

The Doctor and River snuck back in too the castle and cracked and coded, and teriformed until the floor was set to crack at the least little stomp, and they placed the TARDIS under it. "Why are we doing this?" River asked.

"I told you, I'm embracing the fact that this will somehow one day turn into a fairy tale," The Doctor explained, "And in case this goes bad I want a quick getaway."

River laughed, "I've never seen you put so much planning into something."

"It's not a plan," The Doctor said somewhat defensively, "It's a thing. It's just a slightly more detailed thing than usual."

River laughed again. "Okay, Sweetie, whatever you say."

That night they slept on the floor of the console room. While unbeknownst to them, above their heads, there was a great deal of running around. King Alcide and Queen Christina were standing over the little's Princess Eleanora's cradle when Greta walked into the room.

"What news bring you, Greta?" King Alcide asked, looking up.

"I-there's no way to know for sure, but," She began, nervously, "I could find no new names in the kingdom, but when I went into the woods I saw a man dancing around a fire singing, "Rumplestiskin is my name"."

King Alcide and Queen Cristina looked at each other. "Could it be?" Queen Christina asked.

"It's a rather strange name." King Alcide commented.

"Well, this is a rather strange man." Queen Christina pointed out.

"That is a good point." King Alcide emitted, "But at least now we can save our daughter from him. We have his name."

"We have his name," Queen Christina repeated.

The next, day, the Doctor waited alone in the empty room he had rigged for escape. After an hour, King Alcide and Queen Christina walked in the room in lock step, Queen Christina clutching Eleanora as tightly as humanly possible. "Finally!" The Doctor exclaimed, "I was beginning to think you would never show up. Of course it might have helped if I told you were I was. My bad. Oh, never said that before, actually sounds good. I should say it more often when I mess up. Well, let's get down to business, do you have any idea what my name is, any idea at all?"

The night before Queen Christina and King Alcide had decided the night before to say a few wrong names before they said the right one, so the little man wouldn't know they had help. One of the things the couple had in common was that they both sometimes over thought things. "Is it George?"Queen Christina asked.

"No." The Doctor said, a bit surprised.

"Is it Ronald?" King Alcide asked.

"No."The Doctor said, trying his best not to sound disappointed. Had the girl not told them?

"Tom? Dick? Harry?" Queen Christina asked.

"No, no, and no." The Doctor said, trying the best to hide his agitation.

"Is it Rupert?" King Alcide asked.

"No." The Doctor said, really starting to worry now.

"Is it Rumplestiskin?" Queen Christina asked.

"Yes!" The shouted, a little too happily, "I mean, darn! I can't believe you got it. Aw, shoot!" On that note the stomped on the floor, and, just as he planned, it cracked opened he acted as if his foot was stuck in it. "Ah!" He screamed, and right on cue River pulled him into the earth. (It was only later after many retellings that he would tear himself in half, someone's idea of adding drama to the story.)

King Alcide embraced Queen Christina and together with Eleanora she walked out of the room. They lived for many years in happiness, Eleanora grew up to be Queen of the land, and no one ever heard from the man who called himself, "Rumplestisken" again.

As the Doctor and River took off in the TARDIS, River thought of something. "There's just thing I haven't figured out yet."

"What the Doctor asked, apprehensively.

"Why are constantly referred to as 'little'?"

A grim look crossed the Doctor's face. "I don't know and at this point I don't really care."

And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
